Friday, December 25, 2009

ketika berumur 29

special meal for a special day... thank you for the lovely gift dear boy...

hidup itu pendek, seni itu panjang

Monday, December 21, 2009

mau dipanggil apa

sejak berteman, pacaran dan akhirnya menikah, saya dan deni saling panggil dengan lo dan gue, sampai sekarang pun masih kami kerjakan, panggilan yang didengar orang lain itu terasa tidak sopan. dulu bagi saya, panggilan aku atau kamu itu seperti rayuan, kita tidak bisa mendengar jelas jelas maksud pasangan kita jika memakai aku kamu, apalagi dengan panggilan sayang. saya merasa nyaman dengan panggilan lo gue, saya tidak merasa ditipu.

setelah menikah, saya (subyektif, saya tidak tau pendapat deni) merasa geli mendengar teman teman saya yang setelah menikah berganti panggilan dengan ayah, bunda, mama, papa, atau sebutan lain.. padahal belum punya anak.. sekali lagi ini subyektif, tidak bermaksud menyinggung siapa siapa, hanya saya saja tidak ingin itu berlaku pada saya.

tapi makin lama masa menikah kami berdua, makin banyak yang keberatan dengan panggilan kami. kesannya kami berdua tidak saling menghormati. padahal kami berdua hanya berusaha jujur pada satu sama lain. kami berdua sangat saling menikmati untuk bilang.. gue sayang sama lo den.. rasanya lebih murni dari aku sayang kamu.

kami pun mebahasnya beberapa kali. memang sih, ketika pada akhirnya kami berdua punya anak, kami tak mau anak kami nanti mendengar ibu bapaknya ber-gue lo. tapi saya juga tidak mau si anak mendengar kami dengan kata ganti ke tiga, misalnya deni manggil saya ibu, atau saya manggil deni bapak. tapi panggilan apa ya yang kami berdua tidak sampai berurai air mata geli tertawa ketika mendengarnya. lalu kami pun saling melempar panggilan, A'a dan Eneng, tapi rasanya kok curang, semua itu dari sunda. lalu saya bilang Uda gimana? muka deni langsung ga selera, maklum teman seperjuangannya orang padang totok, menurutnya kata Uda sudah punya dia. apa kita mau sok sok pake bahasa asing? ah tidak.. hanya deni yang bisa bahasa rusia, saya bisa bahasa apa. deni coba memanggil saya dengan nama, tapi kok sangat terasa tarzan and jane.. atau kita mau sok imut dengan eni dan nana.. hiahaha.. tidak terima kasih..

anyway saya dan deni belum dapat jawaban yang tepat.. hanya cukup tertawa tawa sampai keram semalaman berusaha mempraktekan aku kamu. kapan kita sama level 2 kalo begini...

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

AA for Audrey's Auction

Some 35 dresses, gowns, separates and other items of Audrey Hepburn
will be sold at a London auction on December 8 at the largest sale of clothing that belonged to the actress.

Also included in the sale is a wedding dress she never wore, made for her
marriage to James Hanson - which Hepburn called off weeks before it was set to take place.

Hepburn asked that the dress be given away, "to the most beautiful, poor Italian girl you can find - someone who couldn't ever afford a dress like mine" and the recipient - Amabile Altobella - wore it and kept it in her family until it was tracked down by the family of the dress' creators, the Fontanas, in 2002. Humm, such a lucky girl...

Well, here are my personal favorite...

the lovely icon

The Givenchy haute couture white point d'esprit ball gown worn in the opera scene of `Love in the Afternoon', 1956

A herring-bone tweed coat, circa 1956, un-labelled, double-breasted of brown, black and grey flecked wool, re-lined in beige artificial silk, walking her Yorkshire terrier `Famous' who had been a gift of her husband Mel Ferrer when Audrey was filming `Love in the Afternoon' in 1956

The ivory satin bridal gown designed by the Fontana Sisters for her marriage to James (later Lord) Hanson in 1952 which did not take place.

The Givenchy haute couture black chantilly lace cocktail dress, worn in `How to Steal a Million', 1966

NYC auction premiere

now i know what i want for this December.. bid baby bid...

Monday, November 30, 2009

Miss Dior Chérie

from miss Coppola, and songs by Brigitte Bardot.

wait till the beeping sound


who doesn't love photo booth, me and my friends would've waited for hours just to lined up taking pictures in this petite box back when we were in high school. too bad they're all gone with the pickedpocket who tooked my wallet.
glad there's la photocabine.

and i found this cute community for the love of narcistic and the memory...

photobooth picture take from girlhula

Sunday, November 29, 2009


they say if you want something shout it!

pictures taken from here

Thursday, November 26, 2009

masih hijau

we did not won but its been fun...

this year, they called all of the 10 pair finalist to the stage.. gave us i am the future t-shirt (and.. f*ck my cd!.. on the back)

photos i stole from nanda

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

i see leanne marshall

a tribute to unexpected winner... hail to the underdog

shout out to my self
you don't have to yell to win, just give them what you are made of...
and what you can do

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

when a man loves a woman

i'm not that close to my aunt ross..
all i can remember of her is just as my cousin lia describe..

I know her as a beautiful tall woman, nice manicure, talk frankly, fine clothes, designer's bag, and wise one... guess she always be like that in our mind...

we, a few of her niece, and nephew, flew to our grandparents home at binjai, an hour from medan. to see her for the last time.. she was lying there, after 40 days of struggle in the hospital, and a month without any food at all...

welcoming us, her loyal husband, pak uwo awang, gave us a big hug,, and told us to kiss her.. and pray for her... we all cried, to see her there.. she was just sleeping there.. i remembered she used to call us ontel.. si ontel ontel ini... or si jibun... followed with her laugh..

still remembered her voice, when i called her last puasa.. giving her spirit to eat, makan yang banyak dong uwo, nanti makin lemes aja.. iya na, ga enak lidah uwo, tak ada rasanya...

my aunt and uncle dont have any child.. that's why all of us all together flew there.
i cried everytime i see pak uwo awang, he loved her wife so much, you could see his love, and his pain.. he lost his companion, someone he thinks that would keep him company till the day he died, growing old, so old together.. didn't think it would happened so fast, 40 days only.. and he lost his love, not even a single day he leave her side.. stayed in hospital 40 days straight...

he kissed her over and over again, in her cheek, in her eyes, in her forehead...

then after they bathed her, sholat, and take her to the cemetery... then she was gone.. they bury her in my grandparents grave... sleeping next to her parents..


i sat on the porch, after noon bath, the lonely man came sat next to me, he said.. waktu dia masih disini rasanya seperti masih ada dia, tapi waktu dia dibawa ke kuburan, di taruhnya dia di dalam lobang, di tutup sama tanah.. wuuss.. jauuuuuuh sekali rasanya sama dia... i just sat there frozen listening to him.. kadang masih suka berasa kalo liat pintu, rasa rasa suster mau lewat, hehehe.. lama sekali kita di rumah sakit, ga bener tidurnya... and then he stopped, and tell another story.. waktu pertama pindah ke binjai.. tiap 2 minggu sekali kita jalan ke pasar, beli es kalimantan 4 bungkus, buat di stock dirumah.. lalu 2 minggu kemudian beli lagi, terus begitu berbulan bulan.. eh lama lama kita berdua batuk.. hahaha.. abis itu ga mau lagi minum es kalimantan itu...

then in the morning when i just woke up, i sat on the sofa holding a big pillow, he just got out of his room, and sat next to me... his eyes was staring at my hand.. searching for something.. searching for my wedding ring.. i hide my other hand under the pillow.. he asks.. where is it?.. tadaa.. haha.. he laughs.. wear it all the time okay, dont loose it.. i smiled.

then one afternoon he sat with me again, telling all detail since my aunt was taking pills years ago, till he watched her dying on the ICU room.. after that, he was staring at his garden.. what a mess he said, we left it like this for a month.. its gonna take me 2 week cleaning them all.. after all this mess are cleaned.. then.. then we'll.. he smiled at me..

he told my mom and all my aunts, i wont be long in binjai... sooner or later i will move.. i already put her in place close to her parents.. i cant take care of her all the time... its okay she's safe.. she's close to her home, and her families...

i know its hard for him to loose his wife.. and all the memories he has to see a glimpse of her.. in the garden where they used to spent their mornings, in the kitchen where they used to spent their afternoon, in the porch where they used to laugh, in the little corner of es kalimantan stand... he lost his wife..

pak uwo, i dont want to loose you too...


its in the walls, in my grandfathers pictures, in their faces, in the jokes, in the small square windows, in terrace.. i see a lot of you there papa..

Happy Birthday...

Thursday, November 05, 2009

i cant relate to you

something i found in the morning..
she can act, she has boobs, and she can sing... ugh i hate her

Relator -Pete Yorn & Scarlett Johansson

Wednesday, November 04, 2009


saya tidak pernah menang sebelumnya, sekali pun, dimana pun, apa pun

bahkan bisa tersenyum sedikit melihat nama saya terpampang di koran
pada hari pengumunan UMPTN

tapi saya dapat berkah ini

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Mencari Peri

saya menepati janji.. selesai 1 buku! hal yang biasa saja bagi siapa saja, tapi tidak bagi saya.. setelah melanggar janji pada beberapa buku yang tidak saya selesai kan karena bosan.. salah satunya a thousand splendid suns (khaled hosseni) yang sudah dengan berbaik hati edwin pinjamkan.. maaf yah win..

jadi ceritanya saya terhibur sama Negeri Para Peri (Avianti Armand), waktu liat di rak toko buku, saya ga bisa bohong saya suka sekali dengan bungkusnya, indah.. seperti buku jepang, judulnya pun mengundang.. tapi saya ketipu.. baca cerita pertama saya langsung terbuai, apalagi baris...

...satu satunya rasa tembakau yang kusukai adalah yang menempel pada mulutmu. asam tapi manis. dulu aku cuma bisa menghirup baunya dan setiap malam memimpikannya...

tapi tau tau cerita berikutnya manis sekali, lalu menjadi sadis.. rasanya seperti lukisan siapa itu (lupa nama ilustratornya) yang selalu mengambarkan gadis kecil bermata besar dengan boneka kelinci yang terpotong kepalanya, dan berdarah darah.. ya seperti itu rasa baca buku ini...

tapi lalu ada juga yang sangat hangat, sangat sinis, dan sangat datar. sangat photografic, rasanya seperti pelukis yang mengarang.. ternyata penulisnya seorang arsitek. senang rasanya membaca sesuatu seperti ini bukan dari seseorang yang murni sastrawan. makin senang bacanya, apalagi yang dia sajikan sangat bervariasi, kata katanya bergerak, seperti menari-nari, tapi sangat natural. bahkan menurut saya dia berhasil menjelaskan apa yng sebenernya berenang-renang di otak saya ketika sedang 'melihat'.

saya suka sekali pokoknya. saya memilih buku ini, sepertinya bukunya pun memilih saya.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

secret shelter

i used to love doing this when i was little, and on every chance i get, in the living room with all my moms blankets and bamboo chairs, or with all the towels hanging on the 'tiang jemuran', or with sheets on my room, or even just laying under the tv room table.. i build forts everywhere...

but they made this a project.. such a nice idea..

wild things* forts project

Thursday, October 29, 2009


lately i've pushed aside my self to be someone else,
giving a life to my so called son, i have let him go yesterday...
like a mother obviously i'm worried, and possessive.. :P
(*i still sneak peek at him non stop)

having you is..
like a slap on my face
make me frustrated like a new parent does
give my gut different kind of cramps
creates simultaneous kinda smiles
and lotsa lotsa hope

letting you go is..
making me trembling inside and out
loves you for who you are, and who you become
and proud as hell like a real mother does

so son, please know that i believe in you
despite of any...


Haiku from arjuno kecil on Vimeo.

video's taken from here

Sunday, October 18, 2009


tatapan yang tidak penting oleh seorang wanita GUNDAR.. my oh my.. penting banget ga sih lo...

Thursday, October 15, 2009


one more reason why i love you...
even in the most difficult time
and i've been being such a hard ass bitch for it,
you still want to find the solution with me.

Friday, October 02, 2009

my tribute to my country's heritage

joining the Indonesian batik force today!

ssst M.. it's ours

Monday, September 28, 2009


just posting pictures from this year lebaran.. too lazy to edit.. haha..
i loooove this lebaran, it's my first with husband..

minal aidin wal fa idzin maaf lahir bathin...

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

bye bye desk

last day of work.. aidil fitri holiday! wooohooo....

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

sofia coppola's paris

a repost from someone's blog

me likey...

“I like that in Paris, you have to get it together,” she said. “It’s nice to see people dress up for dinner. After I interned at Chanel in the 80’s, I went back home to my little town in the Napa Valley, but I was changed forever. Everyone thought I was strange because I was getting French Vogue.”

pictures taken from The New York Times

tanggal 15

kalo saya dan deni masih pacaran, hari ini kami 2 tahun 5 bulan.. padahal biasanya malah ga pernah inget.

and it all began here... ^-^

Monday, September 14, 2009


dropping me off this morning

husband : assalamualaikum..
me : wa alaikum salam...
husband : i know you love me
me : i know you love me more...


pergi ke pulau kapuk

dulu.. waktu saya masih kecil... sehabis makan hari minggu siang, bapak saya selalu bilang.. siapa mau ikut papa?.. saya dan adik saya langsung tunjuk tangan setinggi-tingginya.. aku! aku!... kemana pa? ke pulau kapuk... huff.. kirain mau diajak berenang ke ancol... tapi dengan mulut manyun pun kita berdua jalan juga ke kamar tidur bapak dan ibu saya.. biasanya di hari panas pun kasurnya terasa dingin. gabruk lah kita berempat diatas kasur king size, dengan badan yang tidak begitu kecil lagi, bahkan ketika adik saya yang laki laki sudah ada, kami ngedeprok berlima. rasanya nyamannya luar biasa.. sekarang kalo inget juga bisa senyum senyum sendiri...

kemarin hari minggu deni ada kerjaan, jadi dua tukang ngeluyur terdampar dirumah.. sehabis mandi setelah bangun siang (hahaha), deni buka jendela kamar, jarang-jarang kita sudah ada dikamar sebelum matahari tidur, ternyata bagus juga ya.. apalagi waktu matahari nembus dan nangkring di atas kasur kita. kamar sejuk, ada matahari, internet jalan, nungguin waktu buka. hehe nikmatnya... deni ngerjain kerjaan di atas meja kecil, saya baca buku pinjeman edwin di atas tempat tidur...

trus saya liat suami saya, ga nyangka.. seperti ini ya rasa bahagianya. rasanya nyaman, seperti tidak ada akhirnya. rasanya seperti diajak ke pulau kapuk, tapi ini pulaunya punya saya dan deni sendiri... punya kami...

saya tau deni juga punya rasa yang sama, waktu tiba tiba dia meluk dan cium pipi saya.. saya tanya, kenapa sih? bahagia ya punya istri hohoho... dia jawab.. bahagia sekali, lo ga kebayang betapa bahagianya... i love you my wife.. (saya diam saja *saya juga sayang dia)

pergi ke pulau kapuk lebih enak daripada pergi berenang ke ancol, bapak saya tau itu...

Thursday, September 03, 2009


dia tulis tadi malam, saya baca paginya.. membuat saya berat berangkat shooting hari ini deni...

Thursday, August 27, 2009


Grey, quiet and tired and mean
Picking at a worried seam
I try to make you mad at me over the phone.
Red eyes and fire and signs
I'm taken by a nursery rhyme
I want to make a ray of sunshine and never leave home

No amount of coffee, no amount of crying
No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine
No, nothing else will do
I've gotta have you, I've gotta have you.

The road gets cold, there's no spring in the middle this year
I'm the new chicken clucking open hearts and ears
Oh, such a prima donna, sorry for myself
But green, it is also summer
And I won't be warm till I'm lying in your arms

I see it all through a telescope: guitar, suitcase, and a warm coat
Lying in the back of the blue boat, humming a tune...

Gotta Have You -The weepies

Thursday, August 20, 2009

peri peri dari khayangan...

semua sepertinya suka sama seragam yang dipakai sepupu gw pas kawinan. sebenernya ga ada niat untuk ada seragam seragam segala... mereka pada nanya.. kaka kita pake baju apa?.. BEBAS.. terserah kamu mau pake apa, ga mesti kebaya kebaya brokat, panas.. yang nyaman aja ya.. yang penting kamu semua seneng...

tapi tau tau mereka pada bikin baju dari shiffon murah yang tinggal di bolongin tengahnya dan di jait pinggirnya... warna warni... plus they all play with headpiece,hasilnya.. they are a beautiful decoration for the party...